All our cats have nicknames. Some more than one.

The cats we have right now are Louise

Garcia (1)

and Dushenka.(2)

Then there was Django.(3) A robust gray-and-white male, he was the one we called Sir Boinks-a-Lot.(4)

Would you like to guess how he got his name? Hint: It wasn’t because he boinked a lot.

No, he just tried to boink a lot.

Gender didn’t matter. He would go after either boy-cats or girl-cats – neither with any degree of success. He was neutered.

His intended didn’t even have to be another cat. Or even animate. We once caught him trying to mount a feather duster.

But the escapade that earned him his nickname was when he tried to have carnal knowledge of my husband’s elbow. Never mind that there was no orifice. Sir Boinks-a-Lot was determined to make one. He kept drilling and drilling, but he never struck pussy (so to speak).

Dan’s theory was that when he worked on his computer, his forearm resembled the shape of an aroused female cat. His hand and wrist were the head, his arm the body, and his raised elbow the…er…target zone.(5) Or it could be that Django was near-sighted with no sense of smell.

My theory was just that he was a horny bastard.(6)

He was also camera shy, which is why there isn’t a picture of him here, but then again, who wants their sexual peculiarities displayed all over the Internet?(7)

Alas, Sir Boinks-a-Lot is no longer with us, though he proved as determined about fighting cancer as he was about finding someone or something that welcomed his advances. We still miss him terribly.

I think even Dan’s elbow misses him a little.(8)

(1) Also Mr. Underfoot, Red-Headed Stepchild, Baby-Cat.
(2) Also Ms. Crazy Eyes and Baby-Cat. Everyone is Baby-Cat except Louise. Other memorable cats have been Matches (Badness, Checkers), Chelsea (Chips), Shaker (What-a-Pie), Maggie (Gelfling, Gertzie-Girl), Laurel (Keet), Joliet (The Silly Pet), and Bijou (Angel Kitty).
(3) He was named after guitarist Django Reinhardt. I figured if Dan could have a cat named after a guitarist, so could I.
(4) Also Baby-Cat.
(5) Django never tried this with me, but my chair arm was narrower, or maybe my wrist and elbow were just not as appealing.
(6) Django, I mean. We will not discuss how pets come to resemble their owners.
(7) No, wait. Don’t answer that.
(8) Although it’s tough to tell with an elbow.