Buy Now!

Let me say first that this is not a follow-up to last week’s post ( on overspending. Or maybe it is.

I hate the stock market. I hate that its ups and downs are said to reflect the nation’s economy better than the rates of homelessness, unemployment, and hunger. As David Gerrold, author and gadfly, noted, “The Nasdaq and the Dow are measures of corporate health. They do not accurately reflect the American economy and they do not represent the quality of life in America.”

I also hate that the stock market is a form of gambling little better than the lottery. (My theory on the lottery is that it’s a tax on people who can’t do math and a plot by the plutocracy to pacify the masses by letting them believe they can win their way into the plutocracy. But I digress.)

So why, then, have I taken the plunge into the waters of this institution that I hate?

Well, first of all, you no longer have to be a plutocrat to place these iffy bets. There are, of course, “penny stocks” that allow one to dabble in a minor way. But now there is another way for the humble, first-time investor like me to get in on all the high-class stocks that have made fortunes for other people – fractional stocks.

The concept is that for an investment of $2 to $10, you can buy a “slice” of an investment in Tesla, AT&T, or Apple, for instance. You may be buying only a thousandth of one share, but you get the amusement of watching your investment go up and down like a drowning swimmer. It’s tempting for a novice like me to sell a stock whenever it goes down a percentage point or two, but I want to let my investments ride. If I don’t like the way a stock is trending, I simply invest another $2 or $10 in something else. I know this is the way the fractional stock people hook you into spending more and more money with them, but it’s hard to resist.

So what does my so-called portfolio look like? I started with proven quantities like Disney and Amazon. Soon I was investing in technology companies that had something to do with the EV industry, which I think will be the Next Big Thing. And, at my husband’s suggestion, I placed a few bucks on a cannabis fund. He’s an old hippie and often talks about how the cannabis industry will take off once pot is legalized and taxed the way alcohol is. (His only experience with the stock market was back when people were encouraged, not to say coerced, into investing their 401k’s in assorted ventures. He went for tree-hugger funds. He lost a packet. But I digress. Again.)

It’s really kind of fun to look at my portfolio every morning and evening and learn that my slivers of stock have gained $0.26 since the day before. So far I have made approximately $2.34, not even enough for a cup of coffee. But at least I’m not tanking. It’s less fun to see my email clogged with prospectuses (prospecti?) and tip sheets.

So, is this a harmless hobby that’s less expensive than collecting antique egg cups or H-O trains? Or have I gone over to the side of the corporate bigwigs and hedge fund divas?

It’s a delicate question. All I can say is don’t look for me among the ranks of the plutocrats anytime soon. I’ve never been much good at fortune-telling; I don’t really think that I can tell which stocks will make a fortune.

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