There are some battles you shouldn’t fight because you have no hope of winning them. Others you shouldn’t fight because you have no chance of losing them. And there are some you shouldn’t fight because hey, who cares who wins them anyway?
I’ve recently become aware of a practice called “Sealioning.” (No, I don’t know how it got that name.) Evidently, it’s used by online trolls when they see a meme they don’t like. They challenge the poster to prove it – every statistic, every quote, every comma. One meme I passed along recently said, “If the free market works so well…why do corporations need $93 billion in annual government subsidies?”
Apparently, that provoked a friend of mine. “IF the statement is true, it may be a decent question,” he replied. “Without the meme providing a citing as its source, it’s difficult to evaluate the actual accuracy of what this meme is saying.”
When I replied that memes aren’t news articles and he could go look up the statistics if he wanted to, he informed me, “The burden of proof resides with the one originating the post, who’s attempting to assert or deny something.”
We went a few more rounds and then I went to bed. It wasn’t a fight I could win. There would always be another “if” or “prove it” or other quibble. The argument is futile, unwinnable. No use wasting brain cells on it.
The thing is, I probably shouldn’t respond. But I don’t block him because he is a friend who loves to debate. I love to debate too and don’t mind spending a few minutes engaging in it with a friend. After I’ve reached my limit for the day, I retreat to bed, neither of us having swayed the other.
(I still post political and social memes occasionally. I don’t post them to try to convert the sealions, but to let other people know where I stand.)
However, there are battles that I almost always win, because I’m on solid ground. Battles to do with language, usually. Back in the day, I was known as the “Punctuation Czar” (this was during the time when the government had a czar for every department). I cringed at split infinitives, corrected those who mispronounced words, and generally acted snobbish toward anyone who broke the rules. I would even offer to bet paychecks on points of grammar. No one ever took me up on it.
Those were fights I shouldn’t have gotten into, because as an English major, editor, writer, and proofreader, I would likely always win them. Winning them, however, was rude and unworthy. I found myself liking my role as the “Grammar Police” less and less. And there were some rules, such as the one about split infinitives, that I’ve given up because they make no logical sense. These days I only correct people when they ask (or pay) me to. (Except for my husband. I feel he’s fair game and I will not rest until I can get him to stop saying “foilage” when he reads his seed catalogs.)
Most of the time, though, disagreements with my husband fall into the category of arguments that aren’t worth starting, much less winning. Little things annoy everyone, but there’s just no percentage in pursuing them.
Dan, for example, when he needs to wash a single dish or pan, routinely squirts it with enough soap to wash a whole sinkful or two of dishes, plates, glasses, pans, and silverware. It wastes soap, of course, but is it really worth picking a fight over? I can avoid bad feelings simply by buying more dish soap.
(Another time we avoided a fight simply by postponing it until it was no longer an issue. You can read about it here, if you want: https://wp.me/p4e9wS-ct. But I digress.)
The world is full of arguments just waiting to happen. But I don’t have to be part of them if I don’t want to. I’ll save my energy for just the right battle, and when it comes along, I’ll fight to win!
3 thoughts on “Battles Not To Fight”
Totally agree. As I’ve gotten older, before I engage with anyone in an argument I just think, “What do I have to really gain here?” If the answer is “Nothing!” then I don’t even bother. It’s saved me soooo much brain space!
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With age comes wisdom. Or caution. Or something.
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Oh this gave me a chuckle! I’m famous for getting into arguments with strangers on social media. I never start them. I just make a comment on something that I happen to know something about, clearly it’s my opinion, and then the trolls come out of the woodwork. For example, my city is the largest city in the US with no public transportation system. A bus program has been brought before city council many times. It has ended up on the ballot for citizens to decide. My opinion, people who can’t afford cars, insurance, gas have got to get to work! Would you rather they stay sequestered in their homes every day, living off of government assistance and charity? I thought we wanted a city of productive, employed tax paying citizens? But no! It gets voted down every time. Their reasons are so ridiculous and ignorant, I won’t even go there. I am embarrassed to live here since we obviously do not care about our fellow man. Plus, a bus isn’t a free program. You have to pay like $2 to ride it! Politicians pretend to care. They’re all a bunch of liars and crooks! The poor people remain stuck in poverty, for generations. It’s a disgrace