Tag Archives: ideas

Stupid Questions for Writers

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People in most professions get asked stupid questions all the time. Teachers are asked how they like having their summers “off.” Police officers are asked whether they’ve ever shot anyone. (I suppose that, any day now, people will start asking teachers whether they’ve ever shot anyone. But I digress.)

I’ve had quite a few different jobs in my day, from inventory taker to restaurant cashier to the person who runs the duplicating machine in an office, and more. (The job running the duplicating machine invariably elicits the question, “Do you get high from the fumes of the purple ink?” The answer is yes, at least a little buzz. If you wear clear fingernail polish, your nails will turn purple, too. Now that’s something you know. But I digress again.)

But most of my life, I’ve been a writer and editor. And, boy, do we get stupid questions! Here are a few of my favorites, along with the answers.

Where do you get your ideas?

I wish I could say that I get them from an idea subscription service that’s operated out of a garage in Schenectady. But that would be untrue. Besides, someone already said it. (Maybe Robert Bloch, author of the book Psycho, source material for the famous film. I’m not really sure, and I digress anyway.)

In truth, right now I’m not getting my ideas from anywhere. In general, they simply pop into my head and, lately, my popper has pooped out. Nor has my husband or my cat done anything even remotely amusing. Dan is busy, and Toby is lethargic. I haven’t even done anything amusing lately, unless you count watching multiple episodes of Chopped to fall asleep, which I don’t. Consider it amusing, I mean. I do sometimes fall asleep to Chopped.

Do you make a lot of money?

No. Stephen King makes a lot of money. John Grisham makes a lot of money. J.K. Rowling makes a lot of money. I don’t.

I do get royalties from my books, and I’m saving up for a pizza.

What have you written that I would have heard of?

Probably nothing, unless you’ve ever subscribed to niche educational magazines like Catechist, Technology and Learning, or Early Childhood News. And a few issues of Black Belt. (I think I am right in saying that I am the only person ever to have been published in both Catechist and Black Belt. But I digress some more.)

I have written two books that have been published: Bipolar Me and Bipolar Us. Those are the ones that fund my occasional pizza habit. And I’ve written some crime/mystery novels that have never been published, but obviously you wouldn’t have heard about them either, until just now.

I have an idea for a book. Can you write it, and we’ll split the profits?

No. Just no. Even my husband asks me this one, and I tell him no, though splitting the profits wouldn’t really be an issue, except, I guess, for the pizza money.

Having an idea is the easy part. Writing the book based on it is hard work. You don’t just sit at your computer and bang it out. It takes months at the least and sometimes years. Do you really want to pay for over a year of my time and creative brain power? I thought not.

Have you met anyone famous?

By this, I assume they mean any famous writers. The answer is yes. Not that I have close personal friends who are famous writers, but I have met quite a few at writers’ conferences and science fiction conventions. (At least one of whom invited me back to his hotel room, so I guess I just missed getting a close personal friend that way. But I digress, salaciously, and am not taking any questions on the matter.)

Anyway, I have met Sue Grafton, Jenny Lawson, Larry Niven, Frank McCourt, Sarah Zettel, and Captain Kangaroo, among others. (You will no doubt be relieved to know that The Captain was not the one with the hotel room. That’s an explanation, not a digression. Know how to tell the difference? Because I say so.)

Of course, I also get asked, “How do I get published?” (I don’t know.) And “Do I need an agent?” (Probably, unless you know a lot more about publishing than I do, in which case, why are you asking me? But I digress my last, at last. (At least for this week.))

Muse Blues

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Where do you get your ideas?

It’s a question most writers have heard. And struggled to answer.

Those of us with blogs or columns get our ideas from daily life – family, news, travel, and what’s going on in the world around us. For example, I’ve written about ratatouille, possums, education, books, toilets, advertising, bipolar disorder, ghost towns, grocery shopping, and feminism, to name a few. Subject-specific blogs get their ideas from (duh!) the subject matter – recipes, medical conditions, politics, or whatever.

But sometimes the muse eludes us. It’s not writer’s block, exactly. That’s when you know what you’re writing about, maybe have even made a start at it, but hit a blank wall. This is the blank sheet of paper phenomenon, or Creative processthese days, blank screen. It gapes. It mocks. It snickers. It yawns. You rack your brain for amusing anecdotes, clever observations, strong opinions – anything at all worth writing about.

We’ve all been there.

But what can we do about it?

First of all, do not ask any friends or relatives, “What should I write about?” Ninety-nine times out of hundred you will get either “I dunno” or something exceedingly lame. That’s why you’re a writer and they’re not. Don’t ask a writer friend either. You don’t want to take an idea that she or he might want to use later.

Look at pictures. These can be snapshots of yourself, nature photos in National Geographic, or other sources. I belong to a photo service that I use to find the illustrations that accompany my blogs. Sometimes I browse through them and see if something strikes me. Mystery writer Sue Grafton even goes to secondhand shops and buys old photos from other people’s abandoned shoeboxes. It worked for Ransom Riggs, too.

Go somewhere. Really, you’ve looked at all the stuff in your house a million times and it’s just not speaking to you any more. Walks in nature often work for Thoreau-types. People-watching in malls and cafés (and, frankly, eavesdropping) can work too. Go to your basement or attic and see if that stirs memories as well as dust.

Read. Read a novel. Read the newspaper. Read your Facebook newsfeed. Someone else’s thoughts can trigger your own. Agree, disagree, explain, apply something to your own situation or town or friends. Read your old blog posts. Maybe you’ve changed your opinion, found a better recipe, or seen a follow-up news story. “Bathroom books” full of trivia and weird facts are good for topics to explore further.

Do research. This is for the truly desperate. You’ve spent all that time staring at a blank screen, and there’s not much left before your actual or self-imposed deadline (if you have one). Treat your topic like you would a research paper in high school or college. How many for-profit prisons are there in the U.S.? Are we the only country that has them? What about the time an elephant was electrocuted? What was up with that? How many raisins are in a box of Raisin Bran? Calculate the size of a “scoop.” (Okay, that was a dumb idea, but you get the gist.)

Google writing prompts can be fun too. Simply enter your name and a verb in the search box and see what Google suggests. One that I got was “Janet has a secret daughter.” Topic: If I did have a secret daughter, what would I want her to know about me? Other prompts: Janet shoulda known better. Janet is a party pooper. Janet loves jewelry. I could write 650 words on any of those.

If you’re getting down to your deadline and nothing else has worked, there are two more solutions. One is to ask one of your blogging buddies to do a guest post. The guest doesn’t even have to write something new for the occasion – an old post from his or her blog will be new to your readers. Then later, you may be able to return the favor and write a guest post, expanding your readership.

The other last-ditch option is to re-post something you wrote when you were first starting out. Maybe you had 50 readers then and 600 now. That means that most of them won’t have seen the piece. And some of them hold up quite well, or will with just a few tweaks.

And once you’ve chased down your muse and found something to write, don’t let her get away again. Write down good titles or one-line drafts. Save the URLs of interesting news stories. Keep digging in that attic, or whatever worked for you this time. Or try a different suggestion.

If all else fails, take Hemingway’s advice: Write drunk. Edit sober.